There’s a book in here somewhere…

I’ve been told countless times, “Write your book!” So, I’m marking today, my 64th birthday, as my reason to blog every day this year. This commitment to post daily, is my litmus test to determine if what I write is publish worthy. If I can consistently create something of value over the course of a year, I promise to put together that first book! What I already know is I actually write best when writing to a friend and with that in mind, today’s message was created especially for you.

When I first started writing consistently, 1988, it was about business. Newsletters, updates, and such. In the late ’90’s, and only after 15 years of being a professional networker, I started writing volumes of material about how to build a team. My writing style was such that the bulk of my content wasn’t the technical stuff of what it takes to succeed, it was about people, our stories, and our need to connect.

It’s always been people who inspire me and who’ve made me whole. Not animals, not Big Pharma. People. I’m a storyteller who learns best through my own experience or through the experience of others. Those are the stories I write. I also lack the ability to write a piece of fiction. People who write novels amaze me. Such fertile imaginations. There’s no novel in me. Only real life stories will do.

As a realist, I’m only able to write about what I know, what I see, what I can touch. I have to “feel” the material before I can sit down and create something. I write everyday because I’m constantly looking for meaning, wisdom, and understanding. I also feel there has to be a lesson in what I create. No wandering generalities, no pointless missives, just solid insights tied up with pretty bows. For me, it’s heart-to-heart connection that matters most. And, if this worldwide pandemic has proven anything, no man is an island. It’s tough sledding when there’s no one beside you. We need each other. Now more than ever. Which is why I’m being pushed from the inside out to reach you.

I don’t plan to drag up the mud of my past, but serious abuse as an adolescent defined much of my life. I’ve learned I can’t be an effective communicator if I’m not vulnerable. To that end, there will be difficult days where what I have to say might hurt like hell. But I’ve learned it’s the difficult subjects, met head on, that must be addressed in order to keep putting one step in front of the other. Had I not, there were periods of times in my life when I believed it would have been easier to drive my car off the overpass just to put an end to the suffering. Yes, I just said that.

Suicide. What kept me from putting an end to it all? The suicide of a best friend in 1982 taught me suicide is not painless. It leaves nothing but devastation in its wake. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And though the depth of my pain saw suicide as an option when I was 19, 29, and 33, I never entertained killing myself for long. The last two times I wrestled with the idea, I deliberately chose life because I had young children. Those angels, my son and daughter, became my reason to get well. But there was still no escaping the overwhelming pain of the abuse.

My specific trauma was caused by a mentally ill parent. I suffered as a result of verbal abuse, beatings, rape and incest, and a high profile murder. All bad, but in my personal experience, incest is by far the worst possible thing a girl child can endure. It has a horrible way of messing with our minds. I don’t know that we ever fully recover, but I have learned we must forgive ourselves for the things we’ve done in order to survive. Read that again. Forgiving ourselves is tantamount to getting well.

Not one word of what I write will ever be created as a way to sensationalize, titillate, or elicit pity. The majority of my healing occurred during intensive counseling from 1990 – 1992. This means I’ve been well for nearly half of my life and with each passing day, I continue to experience incremental healing for the residual which remains. Also, I’ll never minimize the pain any woman feels. Even being leered at by a lech, or being on the receiving end of a lewd comment is a subtle form of abuse. I’ve zero tolerance for such behavior and will offer solutions on how to bring the abuse to a grinding halt.

My Promise to You:

What I write is meant to educate and aid in the healing process. My work is primarily designed for girls with the full understanding that boys are victims, too. Though I can emphasize, I can’t fully relate or offer the help a boy/man requires. I encourage my male counterparts to never feel ashamed to seek counseling. It takes courage to ask, and it’s never too late. If you know of a boy child being abused, at all cost be their advocate! That said, I do know there are an awful lot of men out there who love a woman who’s been abused. Reading my work may help you help her — those mothers, daughters, sisters, girlfriends and wives who’ve suffered as a result of what they’ve experienced. Please feel free to share this blog with them.

In conclusion, not only will I be telling my story, I’m called to bring hope and encouragement from other survivors as well. With their permission, I’ll be sharing their stories with you, too. I promise you, we’re in for an incredible journey. Thanks for staying tuned as we work on this book together.

UnbreakableGirls Rule. UnbreakableGirls Read.

Books changed my life. I learned the book we don’t read can’t help us. I hope to be able to add one of value.